"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"
— Juvenal, Roman satirist
"Who will watch the watchers?"
A perfectly dystopian echo for Zuckerberg’s VR legion and the birth of Defense LLaMA—where the line between emperor, algorithm, and armory is blurred beyond recognition.
Meta’s $15 Billion AI Midlife Crisis: Roman History, Puberty Fantasies, and Military-Grade Superintelligence
By Adaptation Guide / Disaster Files – Unfiltered AI Special Edition
Mark Zuckerberg is back on his bullsh*t. This time, he's tossing $15 billion at Scale AI in a desperate bid to create a machine that "thinks like a human."
Not just any human — but presumably a hyperproductive, militarized, surveillance-loving Übermensch with the social charm of a metaverse avatar and the ethics of a drone strike.
Let’s break this down — with facts, fire, and just enough gallows humor to keep you sane.
1. 15 Billion Dollars for a Brain That Thinks Like a Baby?
According to reports from Bloomberg and The Information, Zuckerberg is planning to buy a 49% stake in Scale AI, a startup that polishes training data for large language models. Think of it as an AI laundromat, scrubbing data clean so your digital assistant can pretend to understand you — even when it's just remixing Reddit posts and Wikipedia footnotes.
But Zuck doesn’t just want another chatbot. He wants “general artificial intelligence” — something that learns like a human baby. That is: it cries, poops metaphors, and stares blankly at ceiling fans. Because what the world really needs in 2025 is a digital newborn with access to drone targeting systems.
2. Scale AI: Not Just a Startup, a Pentagon Darling
Scale AI is no toy company. Its founder, Alexandr Wang — not a Bond villain, just looks like one — built this data-lab when he was 19. By 24, he was the world’s youngest self-made billionaire. Now, at 28, he’s feeding AI to clients like Microsoft, OpenAI, the Qatari regime, and the U.S. Department of Defense.
This is the same company that publicly stated in March:
“The first nation to incorporate AI into military decision-making will shape the 21st century.”
Translation: Welcome to Skynet, brought to you by Silicon Valley venture capital.
3. Meta's New Vision: Baby Brains with Bombs
Meta’s own flagship language model, LLaMA 4 Behemoth, failed to launch in April. And Zuck is pissed. He’s now micromanaging hiring via WhatsApp groups called Recruiting Party (no, not satire), personally interviewing engineers to build a "Superintelligence Lab."
Forget empathy. Forget oversight. This is about speed, scale, and power.
He wants an AI that can plan, observe, understand — like a real person. Then he wants to go beyond that — to a machine smarter than us. Not just in chess or math. In everything. Decision-making. Strategy. Manipulation. War.
4. Meta’s Competition: Buy Now, Merge Later
Google dropped $2.7 billion on Character.AI. Microsoft funneled $13 billion into OpenAI. Amazon went $8 billion deep on Anthropic. So Zuck’s $15B bet on Scale AI? It’s just another tech-daddy arms race, each chasing the holy grail of algorithmic dominance before regulation or reality catches up.
But there's a twist: Meta isn’t going for a full buyout — only 49%. Why? Maybe to dodge antitrust regulators, who still haven’t forgiven Zuck for swallowing Instagram and WhatsApp like a power-hungry Kirby in 2012.
5. Defense LLaMA: Turning Chatbots into Soldiers
Yes, you read that right. Meta and Scale AI are collaborating on a project called Defense LLaMA — to fine-tune Meta’s language model for military use.
Just imagine:
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AI that can write poetry, plan invasions, and recommend your next AR headset — all in the same breath.
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Virtual-reality combat helmets designed by Meta, made sexy by Anduril, a military tech startup already in bed with the Pentagon.
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National security powered by likes, shares, and targeted kinetic strikes.
As Meta stated in November, their language models are now cleared for U.S. government use. Which means: your meme generator just got weaponized.
6. Internal Chaos and AI Pessimism
Even inside Meta, not everyone is buying this Frankenstein fantasy. Yann LeCun, Meta's top AI scientist and a genuine academic heavyweight, hates the phrase “general artificial intelligence.” According to him, current models don’t understand reality. They’re just parlor tricks with big vocabularies.
Many top minds are quitting. The head of Meta’s AI research team left in May. Zuckerberg’s recruiting frenzies signal desperation — not inspiration.
7. So What Can We Expect?
Let’s be real: this isn’t about solving world hunger. This is about:
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Monetizing human thought.
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Militarizing pattern recognition.
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Controlling the narrative — with bots that sound like people and companies that act like gods.
So yes, you can expect:
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Roman history rewritten to explain why Zuckerberg deserves a Senate.
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AI puberty fantasies that tell you what women “really want” according to male-coded datasets scraped from Reddit.
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Digital Caesarism, where emperors wear Oculus goggles and march their robotic legions through the virtual provinces of influence, war, and surveillance.
Conclusion: The Baby Brain Is Watching
Meta’s AI dream isn’t about artificial intelligence. It’s about artificial authority. The dream isn’t that machines will become like us. It’s that they’ll become better than us — more obedient, less messy, easier to scale, and perfectly optimized for empire.
But let’s be clear: a machine that “thinks like a human” will not save humanity.
It will just help the powerful automate our extinction.
Welcome to the new empire. The Pax Algorithmica.
Brought to you by Meta, and baptized in military-grade data.
Image suggestion:
Zuckerberg in a Roman toga holding a VR helmet like a laurel wreath, with baby-faced AI soldiers marching behind him, all branded “Defense LLaMA.”
Sources:
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Bloomberg
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The Information
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New York Times
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Meta press releases
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Scale AI corporate statements
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TIME interview with Yann LeCun
Want more? Stay tuned for our upcoming guide:
👉 “How to Defend Yourself from Weaponized AI When You’re Not a Billionaire.”
Because someone has to write the resistance manual — before it gets deepfaked out of existence.
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